Here’s a few “funny quotes” for your reading pleasure:
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -Robert Bloch
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. -Mark Twain
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. -Homer Simpson
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. -Henny Youngman
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. -Socrates
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. -Casey Stengel
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. -Dilbert
All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening. -Alexander Woollcott
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. -Groucho Marx
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies. -Oliver Goldsmith
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -Benjamin Franklin
Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. -Mae West
Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender. -Homer Simpson
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -Will Rogers
There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family. -Jerry Seinfeld
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. -Colin Sautar
If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. -Elbert Hubbard
Don’t get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny. -Kathryn Carpenter
If you have some other funny quotes, could you please share them below? Thanks
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